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Unspoken

By Naima Dido

I wish I could finally say to you the words stuck in my throat, 

Behind my teeth and scattered on my tongue,

With you, I live on eggshells,

I don’t know how to tell you that I noticed that your days were filled with half-veiled insults,

I was praised serving tea the right way, 

Preparing to be a wife,

Soon the ear will be pierced. 

I don’t know how to find the words to tell you,

Away from you everything is new,

Painted with memories of you and beautifully tainted with old ways, 

And yes, the missing parts.

And if I could, 

I would say to you that the missing parts of me aren’t the only parts of my body that are hurting, 

That sometimes when I sit and watch my daughter play, 

And my throat starts to constrict, 

While my tear ducts prepare for the warm flight of my pain, 

I still remember the sound of the razor blade leaving its paper cover,

And I still feel the moment the blade cuts my flesh,

How my blood sparkled against the light as it raced between my legs, 

Escaping my body, 

You watched as I wept. 

I wish I could say to you that I fantasize about telling you these words,

that are years overdue, 

And no, I’m not okay, 

I still don’t know how to find the words to tell you of my inherited sorrows, 

Of the joy of my new life, 

The last time we spoke, 

You said I didn’t care about you, 

You’re mistaken,

I do; I just don’t know how to show it. 

Maybe I’m not making any sense, 

The real words have morphed themselves into metaphors, 

Suppressed too long, 

To the root of this mess, 

I want to say that I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger for you 

And for me, 

Now as I roam the world, 

I carry with me our pain 

Crafted into tools for my success, 

They find a way—the thorns life may throw to the next in line,

My sweet B.

(Naima Dido participated in Sahiyo’s Voices to End FGM/C workshop. You can read her reflection piece here and watch her video below.)

 

 

 

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Sri Lanka’s first survey on FGM/C: Survivors need space to talk and access to medical care

 By Jumana S.

“It should not be up to the elders to stamp the body of a girl child at the age of seven, (a process that is irreversible irrespective of the extent of damage), and decide what her religious convictions should be.”
– Jamila, Dawoodi Bohra survivor of FGC, Colombo 

This fundamental right that every thinking individual commands is articulated by a survivor of female genital cutting (FGC) in a first of its kind report for the country titled, “Towards Understanding Female Genital Cutting in Sri Lanka.” 

The report, published by the Family Planning Association of Sri Lanka, is the very first research study detailing the status of FGC in the country. It highlights the absence of dialogue, absence of awareness of the issue among medical practitioners, and also the unique political situation in the country that makes public discussion on the issue susceptible to ethnic controversy. 

Released in December 2019, this detailed study interviewed 26 survivors with three main objectives: to understand the practice of FGC from the perspective of survivors; to interpret the practice in relation to their health, sexual pleasure, bodily integrity and relationship with family, community and faith; and to engage medical practitioners to help with solutions with the findings of the first two objectives. 

Amongst the many shocking findings of the study, what overwhelms is the absolute absence of dialogue on the subject until about three years ago in the country. Hence, not only the survivors do not have a recourse for psychological counselling for their personal trauma, but the medical fraternity is also not equipped to deal with complications arising due because of it in sexual health and childbirth. 

“Medical professionals were not aware of the practice until recently, and in the belief that it does not take place, had not looked for signs of it and it did not form part of routine examinations that are usually centered on reproductive concerns. Further that it may be difficult to observe, most doctors had not received formal training on the practice in Sri Lanka,” the report states. 

As for the wider dialogue and understanding of the issue, the report notes that, “It is in the last few years – from 2016 onwards – that the practice of female genital cutting has surfaced in public dialogue in Sri Lanka, including in the media. A few women, primarily from the Dawoodi Bohra Muslim community, came forward to speak about their experiences and ask the state for a response to stop this practice.” However, what preceded this, as recently as 2008, was a circular by the All Ceylon Jamiyyathul Ulama (ACJU) of Sri Lanka, that had issued a fatwa on ‘female circumcision’ in response to a query from a member of the public, saying it is obligatory and recommended, citing religious teachings as well as the view that circumcision is important to maintain cleanliness of the genitals and ‘for enjoyment in family life’ (ACJU, 2008).

In the consultation, 23 out of 26 survivors (88%) said their influencer was a woman with 17 of them claiming  it was their mother. The justification for the cutting given by the respondents were that it is perceived as a religious requirement; a means of establishing ‘Muslim identity’; for controling women’s sexual feelings; medically beneficial; a customary ritual; for improving sexual partners’ interest; and for improving sexual experience of the woman. The consultations revealed a notable trend of very little conviction and understanding of why the practice was followed. The reasons were not always strongly held and the justifications often relied on the interpretation of theological positions. 

Based on consultations, the researchers came up with six observations. The key is the absence of space for survivors to reflect and talk. “Women need spaces, conversation starters, information and solidarity to navigate the complexities that surfaced,” the report claims. 

Two critical observations are about the absence of formal training on the practice and the reluctance of medical professionals to engage. “FGC was not part of the medical training received in Sri Lanka,” as noted in the observations. “All medical professionals in the consultations stated they had not received training on the issue.”

Moreover, explaining the reluctance of the medical fraternity in engaging with the issue, the report observed, “Medical professionals expressed a reluctance to speak or engage publicly on the practice for the reason that such measures may be misconstrued as measures motivated by religious intolerance targeting a minority community. It spoke to the sense that the political context was not favourable to the Muslim community and there were strong possibilities that disruptive elements would create opportunity for mischief causing victimisation of Muslims, and drawing medical professionals and institutions into political conflicts.” 

A unique observation that comes out is the context of the dialogue in the incumbent political atmosphere in the country. The report underlines this at outset, as well as in the conclusion, that while addressing the issue, one needs to be “sensitive to the local context of intolerance and possible victimisation that public discussion of the issue may lead to.” The report, in its final recommendations, urges for “a non-judgmental and non-discriminatory approach for working on FGC in Sri Lanka.” 

Another recommendation that stands out is its insistence on understanding and addressing concerns raised by women of the Dawoodi Bohra community, “as the experiences of Dawoodi Bohra women of FGC in this consultation appears to be of a more severe form than that practiced by others in Sri Lanka.” 

 

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Voices Series: Naima Dido

My mother, a woman who has never held a pencil in her life, had a dream of educating me. And so, I became the first woman in my family to learn the power of literacy. Beyond the abilities to read and write for myself, my educational opportunities have empowered me to take control over my own mind and body, to know that I can mold my life and my future into whatever I wish. The differences between my mother and me include making my own choices, taking my own chances, and embracing the resulting changes. And still, my mother and our female ancestors—with all of their obedience to culturally expected behavior—inspire me to reach for my own dreams so that I could tell the stories of the trails they blazed with their blood, sweat, and tears, and most importantly their resilience and survival. In sharing our stories, I hope we inspire and empower other survivors to tell their stories.

I believe powerful narratives and effective storytelling can change cultural norms and create a space for new stories, ideas, and norms to flourish. When it comes to changing deeply held beliefs and traditions, stories are foundational. Supporting and empowering survivors to share their stories and engage with the broader community protects generations of girls to come from this harmful practice. Stories are a powerful tool to generate change. Hidden beneath our “survival stories” are skills, resources, positive values, dreams, and desires. Storytelling can help develop compassion for oneself.

 

 

Learn more about the Voices project here. 

 

 

Sahiyo Volunteer Spotlight: Zahra Qaiyumi

Zahra Qaiyumi completed her undergraduate education at The University of Maryland, studying Physiology, Neurobiology, and Spanish. Afterward, she pursued a Master’s degree in Physiology at Georgetown University. She then moved to the Bay Area and participated in neurobehavioral research while working with adolescents diagnosed with ADHD at the University of California San Francisco’s Neuroscape Center. Currently, she is in her third year of medical school at the Frank H. Netter M.D. School of Medicine at Quinnipiac University. 

1) When and how did you first get involved with Sahiyo?

I have been following Sahiyo’s work as an organization for many years, but decided to get involved in the fall of 2019 during what was a rough patch in my personal life for a few reasons, khatna, or female genital cutting (FGC), being one of them. 

2) What does your work with Sahiyo involve?

As a volunteer, I have written pieces interpreting research on FGC, as well as helped put together abstracts and posters in order to disseminate Sahiyo’s work to healthcare providers, survivors, social works, and law enforcement, among other groups. I hope to do more of this type of work with Sahiyo in the future. 

3) How has your involvement with Sahiyo impacted your life?

As someone who grew up in a community where FGC was the norm, my involvement with Sahiyo has been an integral part to self-actualization and healing. I joined Sahiyo at a time where I desperately needed allies who understood my personal struggles with FGC. Since joining, I have been able to use my personal experiences and integrate them with work that will positively impact my career as a healthcare professional. 

4) What words of wisdom would you like to share with others who may be interested in supporting Sahiyo and the movement against FGC?

Sahiyo has taught me that joining a community of peers that are just like you, that have been impacted by the same circumstances you have, can be healing in so many ways. Using experiences that are deeply personal to you in order to make change in the world, no matter how small, is liberating. I encourage anyone who is looking to feel such liberation to support Sahiyo in their goal to end FGC.

 

Voices Series: Why I still speak up about FGM/C

This blog is part of a series of reflective essays by participants of the Voices to End FGM/C workshops run by Sahiyo and StoryCenter. Through residential and online workshops on digital storytelling, Voices to End FGM/C enables those who have been affected by female genital mutilation/cutting to tell their stories through their own perspectives, in their own words.

By Zenab Banu

I am involved in the movement to end female genital cutting (FGC) since I came to understand its impact on my married life. We had discussed the problem in 1987 in an All World Bohra Women’s Conference which was organized by the Bohra Youth Girls’ Wing in Udaipur. Sadly, the resolution that passed was not followed up. But I continued speaking up. I feel FGC should end because the rights of personal choice of a girl child and her bodily integrity have been violated without much concern by the society.

I have also attended the second Activist Retreat organized by Sahiyo, which took place in Mumbai where participants from various parts of India attended the retreat. It was a very good experience in meeting like-minded people and having long discussions, as well as learning different perspectives and ways to end the practice.

Later, when I got the opportunity to be part of Global Voices to End FGM/C, a storytelling project by Sahiyo together with StoryCenter, I was very much excited to be part of it. I really enjoyed the process of writing, recording and creating visuals of my story, though a lot of memories were triggered during the process, and I became emotional. 

My overall experience of the workshop was good. But think it would be more exciting if we could meet in person with other participants, rather than doing it virtually.

I feel that the We Speak Out group and Sahiyo are doing great work in raising awareness on the issue. I hope the movement ignites awareness, consciousness and creates public opinion among society in general and women in particular.

With this hope I have joined Sahiyo’s campaign against FGC. I have shared my own story of cutting, and I hope that more women will come out and share their stories and support to end FGC.

 

Learn more about the Voices project here. 

 

 

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Voices Series: Why we must break the silence of FGM/C

This blog is part of a series of reflective essays by participants of the Voices to End FGM/C workshops run by Sahiyo and StoryCenter. Through residential and online workshops on digital storytelling, Voices to End FGM/C enables those who have been affected by female genital mutilation/cutting to tell their stories through their own perspectives, in their own words.

By Anonymous

I’ve been speaking about female genital mutilation (FGM) and what my experiences have been for a while now. But taking part in the Voices to End FGM/C online workshop allowed me to focus on something other than the experience of my FGM. Instead, it made me look closer at what it means to live with it every day, and how being privileged enough to having had it done under medical conditions so that there is no physical scarring means that my pain, my trauma, can be dismissed and brushed aside by others so very easily.

It was really cathartic–it always is–to speak or write about my FGM experiences. I deliberately use the term FGM because to differentiate it, to call it FGC, feels as though I’m trying to rationalise or to convey that what was done to me was not mutilation. It was mutilation. It was not just cutting. I was mutilated by the people I loved most, my parents, my wonderful, kind and still beloved doctor, and my community. I trusted them to protect me, and they, without meaning to, because I accept that they didn’t know, didn’t think of what they were doing as mutilation, hurt and traumatised me. I’m in my forties now, and I am still dealing with the hurt they caused me at seven.

I have really appreciated, even enjoyed the process of seeing my story come alive through the efforts of the brilliant artist illustrating my story during this workshop, and the excellent team that’s made this possible. Stories matter. We matter. Our pain needs to be shared so that hopefully, someone else is spared this trauma.

What I found most inspiring was listening to the webinars and hearing other women talk about their own stories. The silence around FGM/C is one of the greatest ways of allowing this trauma to continue. Breaking that silence gives those of us who have moved from being deniers, to victims, to survivors, and now, with this public conversation, warriors, the releasing of our demons. I know there’s disquiet about the use of the word warrior, the connotation of violence around it can be troubling, but to me, it fits. I am the warrior. In yoga, the warrior pose allows one to feel centered and strong. I am strong and centered now, and I, like the warriors of ancient Greece, am one who is steeped in experience and hard-won wisdom. 

 

Learn more about the Voices project here. 

 

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Supporting each other through COVID-19 and continuing our efforts to end female genital cutting

Dear Sahiyo community,

We’re writing to let you know that we are so grateful to have you be part of the Sahiyo community, and even though we are living in unprecedented times with the COVID-19 pandemic and our everyday lives look different right now, we’re committed to helping you stay connected to us and our mission to support survivors and protect future generations of girls from female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C) in meaningful ways.

Around the globe, the Sahiyo team was already working remotely, however, we have cancelled all of our in-person events for the months of March, April, and May and are taking the necessary steps to ensure that we can provide virtual options for community members and survivors affected by FGC who need our support where possible. 

Here are a few ideas on how you can continue to connect with us:

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Bottom line, reach out. We may have to socially distance from each other in person for awhile, but we can connect and further our advocacy work to support survivors and protect future generations of girls from FGC in other ways.

We will not let girls, women and communities impacted by FGC get left behind. Sahiyo continues to partner, share and advocate globally for an end to the practice. We hope that through adversity, positivity will win through, and we can learn new, innovative ways of working as we come through this crisis together. 

Sending love, solidarity, and gratitude to you and your loved ones,

~ Sahiyo

 

Voices Series: How I learned to tell my FGM/C story

This blog is part of a series of reflective essays by participants of the Voices to End FGM/C workshops run by Sahiyo and StoryCenter. Through residential and online workshops on digital storytelling, Voices to End FGM/C enables those who have been affected by female genital mutilation/cutting to tell their stories through their own perspectives, in their own words.

By Saza Faradilla

Creating this digital narrative alongside other women from all around the world was a great journey! I learned how to tell my story in pictorial ways. Never having seen a visual version of my story, it was almost a serene experience watching it unfold. Working with Sahiyo, and especially my designer, Esther Elia, was an amazing experience, as she took my vision and put it into a video form that represented my experience with female genital cutting. Processing and reliving the scenario of finding out about the cutting performed on me helped me process it further.

 

 

Learn more about the Voices project here. 

 

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