Attending this workshop to share my story is now perhaps an opening to a bigger vision of what I call: Magic of Intimacy.
I had viewed over a dozen Voices to End FGM/C stories and attended Sahiyo’s webinars over the last couple of years. As much as I wanted to contribute and help in a significant way, there was something holding me back (including writing this blog). This holding back is what I believe to be a fear of being judged with my shadows of shame, coming across as accusatory, anxiety of re-trauma, and being triggered by old voices in my head saying ‘you have gotten over it, it’s been such a long time, why self-inflict pain by cutting into scars and exposing nerves that seemingly don’t cause a problem!’
FGM/C, like many unfortunate events in our lives, is not a singular hook to hang our troubles; but perhaps it does need attention to heal multi-layered physical and psychological fall out that results in a trauma most often left unattended or undiagnosed.
Owning our story, honouring our bodies by acknowledging our emotions (alive or trapped in it), is the first Intimacy - “ Into me I see.”
Thereafter, a choice to be intimate with others requires courage, especially when it may cause ripples to rock the boat.
Even though we came together on an online platform, the support offered by the Sahiyo and StoryCenter team allowed me to embrace my vulnerability and potential.
It provided me with a felt sense of belonging that we were in this together!
I learnt that being a part of a group in which we felt safe, to be engaged in a well designed process that encouraged us to share our ideas, to co-create, and at the end, to produce an audiovisual representation of our story is such a privilege.
I hope these videos and blogs allow others to self reflect, inspire them to speak their truth, and show them that each of our voices matters; each unique expression holds a different lens and angle, like holding a rays of light, and we together can obliterate the darkness of FGM/C.
About Ibtisam
With her desire to make life more harmoniously beautiful comes passion for understanding relationships and dreams.
Both vivacious and shy she seeks simplicity in an increasing techno world.
She loves to travel, learn about other cultures via food, stories & spending time in nature and interacting with people in person.
She has graduated from the University of Mumbai with Honours, trained with Relate in UK, to become an experienced relationship counsellor and psychosexual therapist of over 18+ years.
She continues to educate herself as a lifelong student as she co creates workshops, retreats and forums with ‘Magic of Intimacy’.
She is skilled at applying Integrative modalities she trained in to match clients needs and orientation.
In the process of creating a video as part of the Voices to End FGC project, I was able to pull scattered thoughts and memories into a clear and concise picture. The workshop allowed me to contemplate the different aspects of my experience as a survivor and helped me focus in on the common thread that ties it all together. In my video, I explore the cultural nuances of the community I grew up in, as well as the reclaiming of my body for myself. Aside from getting to tell my story in my own words, connecting with others who have had similar experiences and learning from their perspectives was powerful. Witnessing others be vulnerable and open in telling their stories helped to validate my experience and reaffirm my decision to both talk about my experience with FGC and use it as a tool to create social change.
Zahra Qaiyumi is a 4th year medical student at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. Zahra grew up in a community in which girls and women are impacted by FGM/C. She is interested in the role of health care providers in caring for those affected by the practice, and as such is involved with developing training for resident physicians on surgical care that improves quality of life and health outcomes in the most severe forms of FGM/C. She has also designed and implemented curriculum that introduces physicians in training to the cultural nuances surrounding FGM/C with the goal of increasing cultural humility. Zahra has been involved with Sahiyo since 2018, assisting on projects focused on community engagement as a tool to bring an end to FGM/C.
I like to hear stories because they help me understand people. Sometimes, they help me understand myself. So, when I heard storytellers talk about their experience with female genital mutilaiton (FGM), I thought about my own. The Voices to End FGM/C digital Sstorytelling workshop helped me put into words a story I have been holding on to myself.
I chose to tell the story that I did in the workshop because I know that I am not the only one who is holding on to unspoken words. I hope others see themselves in my story and know that they are not alone. We have similar lived experiences.
I chose to be anonymous to tell my story because although the story involves me and others around me, I do not want the story to be used as a vehicle to judge me or show me pity. I want those hearing my story to know that the impact of female genital cutting (FGC) is lifelong. The trauma and shame follow me like a shadow.
Attending the digital storytelling workshop was an opportunity that came by and seemed interesting. After the first meeting and learning more about the Voices To End FGM/C program, I was even more intrigued. I wanted to be able to create a story that people would feel deeply and find some sort of hope when it came to addressing the issue of female genital cutting (FGC).
I chose to tell a personal story on how my trauma from undergoing female genital cutting was hidden away until it came up during a lesson in a college class. The end point was: if people are willing to learn and change then there definitely is a sense of hope.
I’m not sure if my experience at this Voices workshop resulted in learning something, but I really appreciated people sharing their stories through their perspectives. It was interesting to see how different people from different parts of the world took this common experience of undergoing female genital cutting and handled it in a different way.
In my story, the art may seem simple, but know that these pictures play a huge part in the visual aspect. I also want to emphasize how important having an open mind is when hearing stories by those impacted by FGC, because everyone’s experience is different.
Why did you want to attend the workshop and share your story?
I love storytelling and I come from a long line of storytellers and poets. I believe stories have a way of capturing the minds, leaving lasting impressions and/or education. Being a survivor of Female Genital Mutilation and an activist/educator, I know that storytelling is powerful in passing information on this otherwise painful ordeal. I have always wanted to tell my story so that I can tell another survivor “you are not alone,” and I hope by educating others, by extension I can help save their daughters. After watching a couple of Sahiyo stories, I knew I needed to be one of the storytellers. I am so grateful for the opportunity accorded to me.
What story did you choose to tell and create into a digital story?
I chose to tell the story of the verbal cut, which is very much part and parcel of this practice of Female Genital Mutilation. Over and above the physical pain of being cut is the name-calling, belittling, insulting and demeaning of the genitalia that a girl gets to know from an early age. The uncut genitalia is frowned upon in my community, and there are names to describe it. Untrue perceptions about the genitalia are believed and passed on to young girls. Where I come from, organs like the clitoris are said to grow long and dangle, making the owner get sexually aroused with the slightest touch of the thighs. It is also believed that the genitalia will smell and become odorous. The genitalia is not mentioned or named. Kintir, which is the clitoris in my language, is such an abhorrent thing to say out loud. They would use other ways to refer to it like, “the it,” “that thing,” “the woman's thing,” “the place for urinating,” or bahal (which literally means an organism). All these naming and shaming make girls hate their bodies. I faced it and so did so many others. I could not watch as my daughter was subjected to the same. Words are powerful and sharp just like the razor used, and thus the reason I called this story the verbal cut.
What have you learned or most enjoyed during the workshop and by meeting others who shared their stories?
I learnt so many things. One of the biggest take homes was how our stories are made up of so many different pieces, and how powerful every piece is. At first I was skeptical about telling a story in 3 minutes. I knew I had an ocean of a story, and how I could tell that in so few minutes was looking impossible. In less than 400 words, they said, making it sound unattainable. But as I listened to the facilitators and past stories, I chose what I wanted to tell and indeed, it was possible. That little piece I picked is a full story on its own.
I also learnt how to do editing and weaving a story together. I am one of the most nontech savvy people around, but I still enjoyed and learnt this skill.
Meeting other survivors and listening to their stories, I felt at ease as I told mine. I knew I was in a safe space. I could see myself in each and every story told by others, young enough to be my daughters. I saw the younger me in most of them.
I learnt that it takes courage to tell your story as a survivor and every day is different. I learnt that our bodies never forget the trauma and have a way of bringing it up every time we talk about our ordeal. And that each person’s journey is very personal. I now know that even though I am not afraid to tell my story of FGM, my body is because of how sick I became.
What kind of impact would you like your story to have?
My story will paint the hurtful words that are as lethal as the physical pain of Female Genital Mutilation. I have also told my personal struggle to save my daughter and I am hopeful that it can give courage to another mother who wants to save her own daughter. My story shows the struggles I endured and the decisions I had to make, which I also hope can inspire others to tell their story. Every story is different and unique, yet the same as the next one. Mine is similar to many, but also different and unique. I want people to appreciate the fact that it is a real struggle to save even one girl, but that saving one girl is as important as saving many. Every girl counts.
By telling my story I am adding my voice to the growing discourse on Female Genital Mutilation, a much needed venture especially here in North America. I am hopeful other survivors will be able to come up and add their voice so as to get the services they so deserve. It is through such stories that we can even inform policy.
Is there anything in your digital story that you would like to share?
My story is a reflection of my struggles. I was scared at one time that my daughter may be cut behind my back. It shows that fear is real and must never be ignored. When my mum asked me what I would do if my daughter was cut, I took it as a wake up call. I could not take that lying down. My daughter’s concerns about what was being said to her was real and I had to act on it. My story says: every concern is important, every fear is valid, and never disregard your gut feeling as concerns the safety of the next girl.
Maryan Abdikadir is a survivor and an independent activist against female genital mutilation. Maryan Is the co-author of “Delinking Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting from Islam” and the “A Religious Oriented Approach to Addressing FGM/C among the Somali Community of Wajir, Kenya”. Maryan is involved in end FGM agenda and uses her personal story to educate many. She has undertaken FGM abandonment programs (community dialogues, religious scholars engagement, research, documentation, working on policy and legal framework), and she participated in the drafting of the Prohibition of FGM Bill in Kenya. Maryan holds two Masters; one in Anthropology from Memorial University, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada and another Masters in Development Studies from the University of Nairobi, Kenya. Maryan is a Co-Chair of the board of End FGM Canada Network.
I am a survivor of female genital mutilation (FGM), and I have met many others from my community who have undergone the same violation. Even though there are many survivors of FGM, the community hardly acknowledges its existence.
The digital storytelling workshop Voices To End FGM created a platform for sharing and listening to the experiences of FGM survivors from across the globe. It helped me to regain the strength to fight against FGM.
The videos that will emerge from our workshop will enable us and others from the community to create a network and conversations around FGM. I believe with time and effort these conversations will bring a stronger impact and change.
Nevin Sulthan is from the state of Kerala, India. She is currently pursuing her PhD from Delhi School of Social Work, University of Delhi.
