On March 24th, 2022 Sahiyo hosted an inaugural training on female genital cutting (FGC) for Asian Women’s Shelter staff and their crisis line counselors who operate their hotline for have undergone or experienced domestic violence or sexual assault. This training created by Sahiyo provided a basic overview of FGC, including what it is, who it occurs to, why it occurs, and the negative health and social repercussions connected to FGC. Additionally, how FGC impacts communities in the United States was examined and discussed.

This training is part of a larger Sahiyo initiative to integrate knowledge of FGC into larger gender-based violence prevention services across the United States to better support survivors of female genital cutting. To learn more about the project, visit here.

Dear Maasi is a column about everything you wanted to know about sex and relationships but were afraid to ask! It’s a partnership between Sahiyo and WeSpeakOut, and is for all of us who have questions about khatna (FGM/C) and how it impacts our bodies, minds, sexualities and relationships. We welcome you to submit your anonymous questions.

Dear Maasi,

My daughter recently read an article about khatna and raised the conversation with me. I am against the practice now, but back then, I didn’t realize how harmful it could be and I am ashamed that I allowed elder relatives to pressure me into getting it done to her. My daughter is angry with me, and I’ve tried to explain things to her, but I don’t think it helped. How can we bridge the gap that’s between us now? Will she ever forgive me?

--Nafeesa

Dear Nafeesa,

Thanks for this heartfelt question. I imagine, with the recent increase in awareness about FGM/C, that more of these kinds of discussions are happening amongst family members. And I bet many of them feel complicated.

It’s common for those who have undergone FGM/C to experience a range of emotions when they first come to terms with the reality of it all. It’s also normal to feel anger, betrayal, sadness, grief, and confusion. You didn’t disclose this in your question, but I’m guessing that because FGM/C is an intergenerational trauma, that you, too, have undergone it? If so, you might be grappling with some of these feelings yourself.

Everyone is different, but here’s what I would have liked to hear from the elder relatives in my family who were responsible:

-An acknowledgement of the harmful nature of the practice

-A true apology for causing this harm

-A commitment to never do it again, and a commitment to talking to others in the family to correct misinformation and to prevent it from happening to others

-After hearing the above, I’d be open to hearing explanations, as long as these are not excuses to minimize their culpability

How about you, Nafeesa? What might you have liked to hear from your elders? You, too, deserve an acknowledgement, an apology and a commitment to do better.

In terms of how to talk with your daughter, I suggest the following steps:

-Ask her if she would be willing to set a time to talk with you. This ensures her consent, and also helps you both to prepare for a calm conversation.

-If she declines, respect her wishes and invite her to come to you in the future if she would like to continue the conversation.

-You can also ask if she’d like to talk in the presence of a mutual loved one, or a family counsellor who can help you to slow down the conversation and help you hear one another.

-If she agrees, ask her if she would be willing to listen to your apology and then offer it (see steps in the above section). Avoid getting defensive as you listen to her reactions.

A question for you, Nafeesa: have you forgiven yourself? If not, consider that few of us were talking openly about khatna until this last decade, and there wasn’t much information available about its harms. Most people who continue the practice do it because they feel they are doing what is religiously correct, and given a lack of substantive sex education, most don’t understand the myths (for example, the myth that cutting the clitoral hood is harmless and makes girls sexually “pure”).

Perhaps you deserve to forgive yourself now that you know differently.

Nafeesa, you are not alone, and I hope that you’ll be able to build understanding with your daughter in time.

Healing from the harm of khatna is our birthright!

---Maasi

About Maasi, aka Farzana Doctor:

Farzana is a novelist and psychotherapist in private practice. She’s a founding member of WeSpeakOut and the End FGM/C Canada Network. She loves talking about relationships and sexuality! Find out more about her at www.farzanadoctor.com

Disclaimer:

While Farzana is full of good advice, this column won’t address everyone’s individual concerns and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical or psychological care.

Zahra is a 4th year medical student at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. She is interested in the role of health care providers in caring for those affected by the practice, and as such is involved with developing training for resident physicians on surgical care that improves quality of life and health outcomes in the most severe forms of FGM/C. She has also designed and implemented curriculum that introduces physicians in training to the cultural nuances surrounding FGM/C with the goal of increasing cultural humility. Zahra has been involved with Sahiyo since 2019, assisting on projects focused on community engagement as a tool to bring an end to FGM/C.

When and how did you first get involved with Sahiyo?

I have been following Sahiyo’s work as an organization for many years, but decided to get involved in the fall of 2019 during what was a rough patch in my personal life for a few reasons, khatna, or FGM/C, being one of them. 

Why did you choose to join the Advisory Board and what do you hope to bring to Sahiyo through this new role?

I chose to join the Advisory Board to make more meaningful connections with all of the incredible people who work with Sahiyo, and in hopes of supporting projects in the pipeline at Sahiyo. As a member of the Board, I’d like to contribute the expertise I have and will gain as I progress through the next phase of medical training, and look for more ways to incorporate training on FGM/C and survivor support into health professions training.

What does your work with Sahiyo involve?

As a volunteer, I have written pieces interpreting research on FGM/C, as well as abstracts and posters in order to disseminate Sahiyo’s work to healthcare providers, survivors, social works, and law enforcement, among other groups. I also support The Connecticut Coalition to End FGM/C by giving presentations about the practice to stake holders with the goal of introducing legislation in the state of Connecticut that addresses FGM/C. Additionally, I have created and implemented a curriculum that introduces medical students to the cultural nuances surrounding the practice, and am involved in creating a provider training for family medicine and obstetrics and gynecology resident physicians.

How has your involvement with Sahiyo impacted your life?

As someone who grew up in a community where FGC was the norm, my involvement with Sahiyo has been an integral part to self-actualization and healing. I joined Sahiyo at a time where I desperately needed allies who understood my personal struggles with FGC. Since joining, I have been able to use my personal experiences and integrate them with work that will positively impact my career as a healthcare professional. 

What words of wisdom would you like to share with others who may be interested in supporting Sahiyo and the movement against FGC?

Sahiyo has taught me that joining a community of peers that are just like you, that have been impacted by the same circumstances you have, can be healing in so many ways. Using experiences that are deeply personal to you in order to make change in the world, no matter how small, is liberating. I encourage anyone who is looking to feel such liberation to support Sahiyo in their goal to end FGC.

Meg recently finished her Bachelor's degree in Sociology and Social Policy at Trinity College Dublin, in Ireland. As a first-generation immigrant born in Switzerland, she has developed a love for learning about different cultures which has led her to become an advocate for the empowerment of minority groups. During her time at college, Meg was an avid member of the Gender Equality Society and coordinated events for the entire university over the course of International Women's Week, including a panel discussion about FGC with the Afro-Caribbean Society. She recently moved to Colorado with her dog Ruby and looks forward to supporting and expanding Sahiyo’s various programs.

What was your experience of learning about female genital cutting (FGC) for the first time?

Interestingly, I must have learned about FGC so long ago that I do not have a specific memory tied to hearing about it for the first time. I think this may be for two reasons. Firstly, in my experience growing up as a woman, gender-based violence was not something that my mother sat down and told me about; instead, it trickled into my subconscious through microaggressions, news stories, and personal experiences. Secondly, as a White Atheist living in Europe, I struggled to understand religiously-rooted gender-based violence. My reaction to learning about FGC was similar to when I learned about women wearing the Burqa from a Western liberal perspective: I saw it only as a way to control women. Due to the inherent racism in framing this issue in such a manner, I was only aware of the existence of Type III FGC and thought that FGC only happened in African countries. Unfortunately, as a result of this belief, I only became aware of the extent and impact of FGC over the last few years, when I learned more about the practice at university. 

The first time I can remember learning about FGC in a way that opened my eyes to the violence and scale of the practice was at an event in which women who were cut or were indirectly impacted by FGC spoke about their experiences. This was eye-opening for me because I have always had the privilege of thinking about the impact of FGC in terms of statistics, rather than something that happens to women in real life. Hearing the speakers' personal stories shocked me into understanding the reality of FGC. It is not to say that I had no feelings of sisterhood with women affected by FGC, but through storytelling, I could picture myself as a member of a community practicing FGC in a way that I could not previously. Before, I was afraid to offend those in communities that practice FGC by imposing my White and Atheist viewpoints on them. Listening to women in those same communities condemn the practice showed me that this issue was not one of culture but gender-based violence, control, and child abuse. This realization is what began my path to advocating against FGC.

When and how did you first get involved with Sahiyo?

I first got involved with Sahiyo in March of this year as a staff member. I had just moved back to the United States after graduating from Trinity College in Dublin when I learned about Sahiyo and the valuable work of the team and community against FGC. Throughout my degree in Sociology and Social Policy, I studied women’s issues and knew that I wanted to work to end gender-based violence in any way I could. Since childhood, I have been a writer and storyteller, so Sahiyo’s use of storytelling as activism was compelling. Watching the first few videos on Sahiyo’s YouTube channel of survivors sharing stories crafted through the Voices to End FGM/C Digital Storytelling program had a profound impact on me. Personally, I knew when I graduated that I was looking to join a team that cared about each other and their work. I have definitely found this to be the case working with my team members at Sahiyo! 

What does your work with Sahiyo involve?

I am the Programs Assistant at Sahiyo, so my role is to provide administrative, development, and organizational support to the Programs Team on Sahiyo’s numerous programs and projects. Something that I am currently working on that excites me is our latest research project, Critical Intersections, which is in its beginning stages. In my eyes, social research is another form of storytelling. Developing a methodology and survey instrument to acquire data that can help mobilize activists and changemakers is important work that I am proud to be a part of.

How has your involvement with Sahiyo impacted your life?

My involvement with Sahiyo has broadened my perspective on FGC and has also made me a better activist. It is inspiring to work alongside a global network of female activists. Aside from my life being positively impacted by having amazing co-workers, I think of issues from a more intersectional perspective. I was shocked when I found several connections to FGC in my personal life and as a result, I have been making an effort to consider the intersections of identities and the human rights issues that I advocate for. 

What words of wisdom would you like to share with others who may be interested in supporting Sahiyo and the movement against FGC?

I would like to share with others that anyone can support Sahiyo and the movement against FGC. You do not need to be a member of the FGC practicing community or a survivor to get involved and make a positive impact; simply having a conversation about FGC with people in your life spreads awareness about the issue and helps to create change. Sahiyo has many fantastic resources to help guide conversations around FGC. In my experience, the more I learned about Sahiyo’s mission and values the more I became interested and involved with all of the programs. 

This March, Sahiyo conducted its first ever Sahiyo Youth Meeting. Young activists are an essential part of the movement to end FGC, as they offer a fresh perspective and are eager to challenge gender norms and harmful cultural practices. Acknowledging this, volunteer Hunter Kessous started an initiative to create a supportive network of Sahiyo youth. At the first meeting, staff, interns and volunteers between the ages of 15 and 24 came together to discuss their journeys in working to end FGC and future aspirations. Additionally, the Sahiyo members decided on some goals for our new network, including a learning environment, an emotional support space, and an opportunity to find mentors. Strengthening the connections amongst Sahiyo's youth activists is a step towards forging the path for the next generation of leaders in the movement to end FGC. The Sahiyo Youth Meetings will become a monthly tradition for any Sahiyo members looking for an educational and inspirational community of young leaders.

By Priyodarshini Chatterjee

In honor of International Women’s Day on March 8th, Sahiyo launched our campaign “Each One, Reach Bhaiyo” to encourage community members to reach out to and educate at least one male-identifying person in their life about female genital cutting (FGC). Through this campaign we involved men in the important work of protecting women and girls. We know that just one conversation can spark a global change toward preventing the human rights violation that is FGC amongst future generations. Learn more here.

In India, there are many forms of gender-based violence that folks like you and me are aware of. It may be domestic violence, dowry death, sexual harassment in workplaces, etc., but one form of gender-based violence, not known publicly until recently is the practice of khatna, or female genital cutting (FGC). I came across this term first when I read an article on the United Nations Development Programme website. A quick search then gave way to a compulsive need for prevention of this practice in a 12-year-old me.

It was much later when news regarding this practice reached me again. It was in the form of a video by a popular Indian think tank, 'Scroll.' In the video, the survivors were voicing their stories. It brought to my attention how harmful this practice is and how spreading awareness was necessary. So, I decided that it had to start from the roots and move to the branches. Thus, starting from home made sense. 

Thanks to Sahiyo’s campaign, Each One Reach Bhaiyo, which encourages staff, volunteers, and community members to reach out to and educate at least one male-identifing person in their life about FGC and encourage them to join the Bhaiyo (male ally) program, I finally brought up this topic at my dinner table. My father was very sympathetic, showing concern for the state of women in our country. He expressed how “we don't have any idea what these women face because of their circumstances.” My brother was the next Bhaiyo I talked to. He voiced how it was an unjust and unfair practice. The realities of gender-based violence against women in India hit him hard. He could not fathom it and empathized with the survivors.

I then took this initiative to the Bhaiyos in my university. Being in law school helped the dissemination of knowledge regarding this practice to the men in my school who had never heard about FGC before. They expressed their concern and how they wanted to contribute in their way. I informed them about Sahiyo and how they could navigate from thereon. They were very impressed and grateful to Sahiyo for actively spreading awareness and taking progressive steps towards complete prevention. They had read some pieces on the Sahiyo website to learn more about FGC. As a result of reaching out to them, they made it a point to spread the word ahead and help however they could.

So, thank you so much Sahiyo for bringing in this initiative. The 12-year-old me is ever grateful for this massive progress regarding FGC that you have brought forth in India. The path to take effective steps for prevention has been forged by you. Today, maybe only a handful of Bhaiyos, but tomorrow we all will be a Sahiyo (friend) to this cause.