By Nicole Mitchell 

I was inspired to join this workshop because the idea of using storytelling as a medium to fight oppression is particularly powerful. I also wanted to listen to other women tell their stories and support them in speaking truth to power.

My hope is that by being vulnerable and sharing my story, I can encourage other individuals to do the same. I want women to know that they are not alone, they deserve to tell their story without fear of what the repercussions might be. 

The workshop experience was far better than I could have ever imagined! In fact, I miss it. What I loved most was listening to everyone share their experiences. I LOVED that it was with women from different parts of the world, with different experiences. Hearing their stories made me feel like I was learning so much more about life and not limited to my personal experiences. I would leave each meeting feeling so much more whole and curious about life because of these discussions.  

If you are thinking of doing the Voices workshop, DO IT. Not only will you benefit from it personally, but you will be helping other people by telling your story. Also, it’s okay to feel nervous and self-conscious. Do it anyway.

By Cate Cox

Sahiyo held the a February webinar, Everyone’s Responsibility: Discussing the Role Male Allies Play In Preventing Female Genital Cutting (FGC). This webinar provided the opportunity to hear from four speakers Jeremiah Kipainoi, Khadijah Abdullah, Tony Mwebia, and Hatim Amiji moderated by Murtaza Kapasi about the role men play in ending FGC. From direct action to research to personal conversations, this webinar explored the many ways in which men can involve themselves and women can work to involve men in empowering communities to abandon FGC.     

Mariya Taher, Sahiyo co-founder and the U.S. Executive Director, gave the audience an introduction to Sahiyo’s many programs. Next, Kapasi, founder of Bhaiyo, took us through his work and the motivation for starting Bhaiyo. Bhaiyo is Sahiyo’s groundbreaking new male ally program that seeks to encourage men to become involved in conversations about FGC. After a short introduction to our panelist’s work, and a screening of Amiji’s Voices to End FGM/C Film Listen, the Q&A portion of the event was initiated. 

Panelists answered questions about their work, the important role men play in ending FGC, and some challenges they have faced along the way. Our panelists explored how many men are often unaware of the multi-layered impacts of FGC on women and communities, and how FGC is often tied to patriarchal violence. “It’s important that more men kind of speak up about this, and join us, because they can be an ally to prevent this happening to women and girls,” panelist Abdullah said.

At the end of the webinar, the audience had the opportunity to ask the panelists questions about their experience and knowledge. Questions included asking how the panelists’ experiences as brothers and sons of women who have undergone FGC, and how male partners can play a role in helping their wives and girlfriends have safe and pleasurable sex. Once audience member astutely asked about the connection between gender-based violence and FGC. “The deadline to end FGM/C is 2030, but there is no deadline to end patriarchy,” Mwebia said. While we do need to work to fight FGC, it is also important to understand how it is connected to the larger system of violence against women and girls. 

Everyone’s Responsibility: Discussing the Role Male Allies Play In Preventing Female Genital Cutting (FGC) explored the roles that men play in empowering communities to abandon FGC and how people can all work to empower men to have these conversations. It was a reminder that ending FGC is everyone’s responsibility.

Watch the recording of this event.  

Read the transcript.  

By Somaya Abdelrahman

It is safe to say that the day I underwent female genital mutilation (FGM) was by far the worst day of my life. I grew up in a country that is infamous for the high rate of FGM in the region in Egypt. I was cut at the age of 10. I have always been very concerned about women’s rights and gender equality. This passion and concern were what inspired me to produce documentary work that brings this crime to light. For me, projecting a story visually through photography offers a medium to expose the ugly truth, to tell a story, or to spotlight underrepresented groups of people. I want to protect every girl who could be cut from this painful experience, which is an outright violation of women’s rights. 

 Through the Voices to End FGM/C workshop, I was able to express my feelings and speak freely about my experience. I really would like to thank Mariya from Sahiyo and Amy from StoryCenter for supporting me throughout the virtual digital storytelling workshop.

 

Learn more about the Voices project here. 

Dear Maasi is a column about everything you wanted to know about sex and relationships but were afraid to ask! It’s a partnership between Sahiyo and WeSpeakOut, and is for all of us who have questions about khatna (female genital mutilation/cutting or FGM/C) and how it impacts our bodies, minds, sexualities and relationships. We welcome you to submit your anonymous questions. 

Dear Maasi,

I have been married for 15 years and my husband is a decent, caring man, but we don’t talk about sex and I have not talked about my khatna experience with him. I don’t enjoy sex and am always on edge during it. I feel that I should cater to his needs as a loving wife, but this leaves me feeling empty. How do I start a conversation about my lack of enthusiasm for physical interaction without making him feel like he has done something wrong?

—Bilkis

Dear Bilkis, 

Thanks for writing in. Here are a few things I’d like to convey upfront:

• You’re not alone. Women are given the message that it’s their duty to self-sacrifice and to defer to men’s needs. 
• For many women, khatna has had a negative impact on their sexuality. See February’s column for more info. 
• Many couples have trouble talking about sex. We don’t get enough sex education to allow us to speak neutrally or frankly about sexuality.
• Talking about khatna is hard for most of us. Check out September’s column for more info. Consider using that as a guide for talking to your husband about it.
• Trust your body. Those feelings of emptiness and being on edge deserve your attention. 

Here are some guidelines for initiating difficult conversations about intimacy: 

• Start with finding a good time to talk when you are undistracted and relaxed.
• Next, use a “love sandwich”. (Loving statements are the bread, the filler is the “problem”). Here is an example:
  • “I love you so much, and there’s something I want to tell you with the goal of making our bond stronger. I’m feeling nervous to say it but I want to tell you that I’m having difficulties with sex connected to khatna [and the fill in the problem.] None of this is your fault. We’ve been through so much in our relationship, and I’m confident that by sorting through this, we can solve this problem together.”
  • Consider putting it in writing if that is easier. Watch this video. At the 4.5-minute mark, Esther Perel, a psychologist, offers an example.
• Allow your body to guide you as you move forward. Do you want to expand your sex life? Which sexual experiences (with or without your partner) have you enjoyed or might you like to try? Make a list of these so you can communicate them. 
  • Psychologist Esther Perel encourages us to offer invitations versus complaints. For example: “I really loved it when we [fill in the blank]. Want to do that again?” Or “I think if we [fill in the blank], I’ll feel more relaxed. Would you like to try that?” instead of “I don’t enjoy sex with you.”
  • Use mindfulness to help you pause when something doesn’t feel right and to deepen pleasure.
  • If you need some guidance on how to sexually “start again”, read or listen to the book Come As You Are. Do this together. Consider seeking a couples or sex therapist who is trauma-trained to help you further the conversation and help you brainstorm new approaches to sex.

Bilkis, it can feel vulnerable to open up this conversation, but vulnerability also builds intimacy and connection. Your decent and caring partner might initially feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. He might even question why it took you so long to say something. He might also feel incredible relief that the two of you are talking about something so important. Perhaps he’s wondered how to have this conversation, too. Remember sexual pleasure is natural, normal and our birthright!

—Maasi

About Maasi, aka Farzana Doctor: Farzana is a novelist and psychotherapist in private practice. She’s a founding member of WeSpeakOut and the End FGM/C Canada Network. She loves talking about relationships and sexuality! Find out more about her at http://www.farzanadoctor.com

Disclaimer: While Farzana is full of good advice, this column won’t address everyone’s individual concerns and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical or psychological care.

On July 17th, Sahiyo’s Development Assistant Sarrah Hussain and Programs Coordinator Catherine Cox spoke at a panel discussion on female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C) hosted by the Future Shakers Initiative (FSI). This event, The Pre-summit of #EndFGM Global Conference, was the prelude to the conference. The summit was an online webinar convening international speakers and advocates to share ideas and prepare for the in-person conference.

As part of The Pre-summit of the #EndFGM Global Conference, Hussain and Cox were joined by Dr. Ibidapo Fashina, Abayomi Sarumi, and Damilola Amoo, moderated by FSI founder, Tobi Olanipekun. During the two-session event, this group of activists and change-makers convened over Google Meet to discuss their roles in challenging FGM/C, and how to build global bridges to advocate for the end of the practice. This inspirational panel of speakers explored the health consequences of FGM/C; the justifications and social norms underpinning the practice; and how we all can become better activists in empowering our communities to end the practice. 

During the event, the speakers had the opportunity to answer critical questions such as, “What human rights does FGM/C violate?” and “How can young people challenge FGM/C?” Our team highlighted how FGM/C is practiced on young girls without consent and is a violation of the rights of girls. FGM/C also violates a person's rights to health, security, and physical integrity, the right to be free from torture and cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment, and the right to life, as this practice can result in death. We additionally stressed Sahiyo’s belief in the power that storytelling can create change, spark healing, and inspire individuals and communities to advocate for the abandonment of FGM/C. We believe that highlighting and amplifying the voices of survivors can be a powerful way to challenge FGM/C, the norms of silence and shame that often keep women from speaking out, and to give space for survivors to heal. 

During the question and answer session at the end of the event, one guest asked how modern technologies are being utilized to help end FGM/C. Sahiyo speakers highlighted the initiative, Mumkin, an app that was created by Sahiyo's co-founders Priya Goswami and Aarefa Johari. This is an app that uses artificial intelligence to help activists practice having difficult conversations around FGM/C. We encourage all of our allies to download this app in order to help them practice having critical conversations around FGM/C.   

The Pre-summit of the #EndFGM Global Conference was an eye-opening exploration of the many issues and concepts surrounding FGM/C, as well as the need for global connections and idea-sharing to foster a global community dedicated to ending FGM/C and all forms of violence against women and girls. The #EndFGM Global Conference will be taking place in-person in Nigeria later this year.

If you are interested in having a member of Sahiyo speak at an event at your institution, please email our team: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. You can also fill out our request for an outreach presentation form here.

Lara Kingstone, Sahiyo’s U.S. Communications Manager, was awarded a Masters of Science in Social Development Practice with merit from University College, London. Her dissertation is entitled, “The Cultural Battlefield of Localized Comprehensive Sex Education: A Comparative Study From North East Africa to India.”

This dissertation sought to contextualize the dynamics around Comprehensive Sex Education (CSE) to draw conclusions about how this globalized philosophy of teaching gets localized. Lara examined the concepts of universality versus relativity, and applied this tension to global sex education efforts. She problematized the dynamic of Western hegemony in the rights-based approaches to sex education whilst recognizing the need for education that protects youth, regardless of cultural setting. Her thesis faced the uncanny contradiction we must grapple with — that CSE has been deemed a universal right, but many cultures are opposed to CSE perspectives on homosexuality, female genital cutting, gender roles and more. Furthermore, progressive local CSE advocates are often questioned about their legitimacy and authentic claim to ‘localness.’ Lara dug into these questions in several case studies including Sahiyo and a small program in Addis Ketema, Ethiopia.

Lara started her career in a youth-focused program designed to integrate London communities and empower young people to become active and engaged citizens. She earned a B.A. in Political Communications at IDC Herzliya, while working as a journalist at The Culture Trip and producing and hosting a human rights radio program. While studying, she worked at an educational center which aimed to help Palestinian and Israeli young people learn together. Since then, she has worked with human trafficking prevention and gender-based violence prevention on the Thai-Lao border, and has worked as a community outreach coordinator to connect youth in foster care with mentors in Boston. 

Lara hopes to use this degree to further her goals of working for gender equity, the LGBTQ+ community and international human rights.