Dear Maasi is a column about everything you wanted to know about sex and relationships but were afraid to ask! It’s a partnership between Sahiyo and WeSpeakOut, and is for all of us who have questions about khatna (FGM/C) and how it impacts our bodies, minds, sexualities and relationships. We welcome you to submit your anonymous questions.

Dear Maasi, 

My question has to do with sex. Will it hurt more the first time for someone who has experienced khatna? And are orgasms possible for khatna survivors?

--Anonymous  

Dear Anonymous, 

Thanks for these important questions. We don’t talk about sex enough!

I can tell you that those who have experienced khatna can absolutely have orgasms. We all have a variety of responses to sex, both in terms of pain and pleasure. 

These responses are influenced by the emotional and physical trauma of khatna. Have a look at some of my past columns that talk about sexual pleasure, pain, shame, and trauma. You can find the entire list here.

Our sexual responses can also be affected by our beliefs about sexuality, our past sexual experiences (alone or with our partners), and by our relationships with partners. You’ll only know what your own experience is by exploring your sexuality.

Many of us grow up without good sex education and have absorbed harmful and incorrect information and myths about sex. We grow up equating “the first time” with “losing our virginity”, a concept that has been challenged by feminists as a damaging social construct.   Anonymous, it’s worth thinking about what you mean by “the first time”. Is it masturbation? Penetration with a penis? Oral sex from a partner?

I encourage all of us to rethink “the first time”, and sexuality in general, as something we explore on our own first. Read books about sexuality. Listen to sex ed podcasts. Follow sex sex therapists on Instagramon Instagram. Debunk myths about Islam and sexuality. Use a mirror to admire your whole body, including your genitalia. Notice what your find arousing and who you might be attracted to. 

When it comes time to sharing sexuality with another person, you’ll be more informed and able to communicate your desires and needs. You’ll be able to pause if something doesn’t feel right or is painful. Which will make the whole experience more fun.

If you do experience pain, seek out a medical professional who has competence in sexuality so you can understand what might be causing it.

Anonymous, I hope that helps. Sexual pleasure is our birthright!

---Maasi 

About Maasi, aka Farzana Doctor: 

Farzana is a novelist and psychotherapist in private practice. She’s a founding member of WeSpeakOut and the End FGM/C Canada Network. She loves talking about relationships and sexuality! Find out more about her at www.farzanadoctor.com

Disclaimer: 

While Farzana is full of good advice, this column won’t address everyone’s individual concerns and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical or psychological care. 

By Hunter Kessous

From sophomore through senior year, I was a member of the Student Sexuality Information Service (SSIS), a completely student-run organization of sex educators. SSIS offers an array of sexual health and wellness products, confidential peer support, and educational events ranging in topics from healthy relationships and gender to sexuality and kink. SSIS’s educators strive to empower students with inclusive, important knowledge that they may not have received before college. 

A few months after graduating, I was invited back to campus to train SSIS members on FGC. I was overjoyed that my peers saw the importance of this issue and eagerly accepted. I covered what FGC is and why it is performed, and interlaced this with survivor testimonies from the Voices to End FGM/C project, a digital storytelling workshop that Sahiyo co-hosts. I also made sure to address any myths that students may have heard, as FGC is often misrepresented in college classes. At the end, we reflected on why it was important for SSIS members, and sex educators across the U.S. in general, to be knowledgable about FGC.

Sex educators may meet survivors or people from practicing communities and are well-positioned to support survivors in their work. 

In 2012, researchers estimated that over half a million women and girls have undergone or were at risk of FGC in the U.S. However, this data most likely underrepresents the true number. The study only included 1st generation immigrant populations from 30 countries, neglecting 2nd and 3rd generation immigrants who are also at risk and undergo FGC. Furthermore, a recent study demonstrates that FGC is practiced in not just 30, but at least 92 countries globally. While under-researched, anecdotal evidence also shows that FGC is practiced among Christian communities in the Midwest U.S. For these reasons, sexual educators in the U.S. should expect and be prepared to work with survivors of FGC. 

What does this preparedness look like?

• Sexual educators should know the different types of FGC and reasons it is practiced.
• Educators must be sensitive to the nuances of FGC and approach the subject with non-judgment. 
• Educators shouldn’t be afraid of asking clarifying questions to learn how they can best offer support for each unique individual.

Additionally, sexual educators should understand the various sexual health needs of survivors due to the physical and emotional consequences of FGC. For example: 

• All sex educators should be equipped with advice for returning to sexual intimacy after violence. 
• Sex educators also must be aware of the ways in which FGC can often result in trauma, which include pain, fear, and difficulties reaching sexual pleasure. In addition, they should know how these issues can be addressed should the survivor want to learn more. 

With every community they work with, the goal of sex educators should always be empowerment. We should strive to promote safe spaces for open dialogue, validate emotions, and share knowledge to guide people to the sexual health and wellness decisions that best suit their needs. Survivors of FGC and other forms of violence have experienced a violation of their autonomy, so they stand to benefit the most from empowering interactions. Sexual educators are in an ideal position to support survivors in building their sense of agency. 

Sexual educators stand to grow as educators by learning about FGC. 

There are cross-cutting themes between FGC and other topics in sexuality that will help sex educators build their skills in all of the work they do. One example of this is gaining a deeper understanding of the intersections of culture, religion, social norms, and sex. Perceptions of sexuality are innumerable around the world and always nuanced. Studying FGC will teach sex educators how to approach conversations on sexuality with a global community. 

FGC can be viewed as a lens for exploring consent in a way sex educators may not have considered previously.

Sex educators spend a lot of time learning and talking about consent. Some people hold the misconception that undergoing FGC is a choice, though girls who undergo the practice. are too young to fully understand what is occurring and give consent (girls often undergo FGC between the ages of 0 and 14). Additionally, all sex educators should know consent cannot be given when there is coercion. FGC often exists as a result of societal pressure placed on girls who are told FGC is necessary for them to be a woman, to be a member of their own culture and society, and to be married. For these reasons, consent can not be freely given to undergo FGC, because coercion will always be a dangerous factor. Considerations such as these can help sex educators to further contemplate and deepen their understanding of consent. 

Sex educators do incredibly important work by sharing important health knowledge, shattering stigma, and uplifting individuals. I urge all sex educators to make sure their services are inclusive of FGC survivors by educating themselves on this important topic. Sahiyo offers many resources on FGC to begin learning, including Dear Maasi, a sex and relationships column for FGC survivors by Farzana Doctor. Perhaps most importantly, I recommend starting this education with survivor stories like those that can be found via the Voices To End FGM/C website, and ensuring that the experience and perspective of survivors is at the center of what sexual educators can learn. 

For nearly the whole month of November, Sahiyo's co-founder and U.S. Executive Director Mariya Taher was in Panama with the Noma Collective, a community of remote working professionals. On November 10th, she hosted a workshop for the community to help raise awareness on the topic of female genital cutting (FGC), which many individuals were unaware of. The workshop provided an overview of storytelling’s impact in forming connections and creating social change, specifically in how Sahiyo uses storytelling as an intervention to support survivors of FGC. Participants were also given a general overview of FGC, the forms of FGC and their impacts, and the reasons and justifications given for the continuation of the harmful practice. At the end of the workshop, participants were given a chance to practice storytelling techniques used in Sahiyo programs through writing prompts and exercises, which focused on turning their travel experiences into meaningful stories. 

To learn more about Sahiyo's community education and outreach program, visit our website. 

Trigger warning: Below is one person’s account of her experience with female genital mutilation in India. This story may be disturbing and/or triggering for some. We thank her for being brave and sharing her story with us.

By Anonymous 

“Sit here..here on this steel plate. [Takes out a  pair of sharp scissors]. Shh! Just close your  eyes...[Removes my underwear]. Nothing will happen, darling! [My mother holds my hand]. It’s done…[She covered my mouth]. It’s almost done. [I was bleeding]. Don’t cry...Good girls  don’t cry! [Because good girls…they…they get circumcised]. 

The events of my circumcision, or female genital cutting (FGC), continue to be a source of haunting noise to my listening ear. 

My 7-year-old self only thought of a promised chocolate treat, given to compensate for that deadly pain; how her Maa would kiss her cheek for being a brave girl sitting on that steel plate. She did not know she was sitting in that shadowy hideous place to pay for her sin: the sin of being a woman. When you are as young as 7, you are not aware of the moral conscience. You do not pay attention to the right or wrong of things, and keep doing as you are told. When puberty hits, you start becoming more aware about yourself and questioning  things being right or wrong. At 14, I became mature enough to understand what happened to me when I was 7; I was able to identify it as FGC. 

The practice is followed by many communities across the globe. Some communities dictate FGC as a mandatory thing for the women to undergo through their religious leader’s sermons. 

It is believed that the cutting or removal of total or partial genitalia will give the men complete satisfaction and comparatively more pleasure while indulging in sexual intercourse. People in these communities believe it is obligatory for the women of the family to go through FGC for social acceptance.  

There is no reference to FGC in the Qura’an or any other holy books. It is completely driven by societal norms. I am angered that these societies feel it is ethical to control how a woman should be through her genitals, so that she may be accepted within the community.

As a teenage girl who has realized what has been done to me, the fire within me to destroy the ritual from this world rages, because I care too much for the young girls who still keep getting bribed for a chocolate at the cost of their clitoris removal.  

FGC can have haunting effects on survivors’ physical and psychological health. Women whose total or partial clitoris have been removed are prone to a variety of infections in addition to excessive pain and bleeding. They may not experience intense pleasure during sex. It can severely affect mental health as well, resulting in anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder. FGC can make a survivor feel fragile and weaker in their societal position; it can make them insecure about their body. 

Personally, I don’t feel confident enough to open up about being a victim of FGC without sharing this story anonymously. I don’t want people to pity me because those who are to blame do not realise their faults yet. I think FGC is a worthy reason for not feeling obligated to follow the rules my community puts before me, including ways of dressing appropriately or maintaining my community’s integrity.  

As I see it, I chose to use ‘FGC’ over female genital mutilation (FGM) because mutilation means harming a person on purpose. I believe if my parents were aware enough about the practice being so much more than ‘in the name of God’, they wouldn’t have made me go through it. Personally, I don’t think laws would make a heavy impact on ending this practice because there are people who will conduct it illegally with unhygienic instruments even when India has banned the practice. To end FGC, it has to come as a revolution, the obliteration of an age-old, traditional ritual. Only when we ALL decide to make a change, can the world be saved.  

In the name of God, people perform such rituals, which makes these lines from Deaf Republic more and more sensible – “At the trial of God, we will ask- why did you allow all this?”  

The answer will be an echo- why did you allow all this?”

Alyson is an undergraduate student at Emmanuel College. Throughout high school, she gained a passion for learning about human rights. This passion continued into college and ultimately led her to pursuing a degree in International Studies with a concentration in Security and Diplomacy. She believes that in order to create a world where women are equal to men, we need to empower and provide safe environments for young women and girls to flourish.

What was your experience of learning about female genital cutting (FGC) for the first time like?

The first time I learned about FGC was as a sophomore in high school. In class, we read about the life of a young Nepali girl who was a survivor of FGC and child marriage. I did not learn much more about FGC until college. I have now learned the real impact FGC has on millions of young girls and women around the world. Once I started to learn more about the practice of FGC, I was shocked at how prevalent the issue is.

When and how did you first get involved with Sahiyo?

I first got involved with Sahiyo when looking for an internship. Throughout my search, I knew I wanted to work with an organization that makes a difference in the world. Sahiyo’s work is particularly important because it focuses on liberating young girls and women from FGC, which reinforces and upholds a patriarchy that is pervasive in many communities, particularly those that practice FGC.

What does your work with Sahiyo involve?

I work with Sahiyo as a Development Intern. The Development team works to research and apply for grants, as well as reach out to individual donors. This is an important component to the organization because it allows us to reach and support as many survivors of FGC as possible.

How has your involvement with Sahiyo impacted your life?

Working with Sahiyo, although for only a short time, has already had an impact on my view of FGC. I knew about the issue prior to starting my work with Sahiyo,  however, working with the organization provides me an opportunity to see both what has been done to end the practice of FGC and areas in which more could be done to help those impacted by the practice.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with others who may be interested in supporting Sahiyo and the movement against FGC

Get involved in any way you can. Whether that be through volunteering, interning, donating, or participating in Sahiyo events. Involvement and awareness of the issue is how we can work to resolve it. 

Female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C) has been performed on an estimated 200 million women and girls worldwide. Health care professionals play a significant role in the prevention of FGM/C. They can support and educate patients and communities about the advantages of ending the practice. However, health care professionals (HCPs) frequently lack the resources and education required to carry out these crucial duties. 

Until February 28th, 2023, a team of researchers from India is conducting a survey among health care professionals regarding their knowledge, attitudes, and practices (KAP) about FGM/C. 

Who is this survey for?

• Doctors (MBBS or postgraduate including AYUSH), 
• nurses, 
• and midwives practicing in urban/rural India. 

Our goals for this survey:

• to assess the KAP of health care providers;
• to establish a baseline for further research in India;
• to help facilitate the creation of efficient plans, policies, and targeted training initiatives on how to deal with FGM survivors (medically and psychologically) in the future for HCPs;
• to create awareness among health care workers in India.

Any health care professional who is eligible according to the criteria can provide their insights about FGM/C by filling out this survey. It consists of roughly 30 questions which should take approximately 5 minutes to complete.

Who can you reach out to?

If you have any queries, feel free to contact the researchers at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

In collaboration with StoryCenter and Asian Women’s Shelter (AWS), Sahiyo began the seventh Voices to End FGM/C workshop on October 24th. This first meeting was held with participants from across the United States. The Voices to End FGM/C project is a digital storytelling workshop that aims to mobilize a critical mass of storytellers and activists by bringing them together to share and heal from female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C), connect and grow as leaders, and create short videos calling for an end to this harmful practice. To date, over  64 people from across 19 countries have taken part. 

To learn more, check out our new website: https://voicestoendfgmc.org 

On November 2nd, Sahiyo Programs Coordinator Catherine Cox and current volunteer (as well as former Development Assistant) Sarrah Hussein partnered on a presentation for a class at the Mitchell Hamline School of Law in Minnesota on the topic of female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C). The presentation included some background on what FGM/C is, it’s prevalence in the U.S., and some legal background in the United States. More specifically, they introduced some of Sahiyo’s past legal work in Massachusetts, and current work to get a comprehensive state-wide law passed in Connecticut . 

To learn more about Sahiyo’s community education and outreach programs, visit this page on our website.