By Meg Sinnott

On September 29th, Sahiyo partnered with The CT Coalition to End FGM/C and The Commission on Women, Children, Seniors, and Equitable Access for All to host Moving Connecticut Ahead: Protecting Girls from FGM/C. This webinar was held to inform legislators, community members, and other stakeholders on the issue of female genital cutting (FGC) and how it impacts girls in the state. Connecticut (CT) remains one of the ten states in the U.S. with no legal protections against FGC. The webinar brought together key individuals living in the state of CT to discuss their reasons for supporting the passage of a law to end the social norm of FGC. Panelists included: 

• Steven Hernandez - The Commission on Women, Children, Seniors, Equity & Opportunity
• Zehra Patwa - WeSpeakOut
• Michelle Dumas Keuler - Connecticut Commission on Human Rights and Opportunity
• Faith Vos Winkel - Connecticut Office of the Child Advocate
• Martine Dherte - Connecticut Institute for Refugees and Immigrants

As a participant of the webinar, I thought that the panelists conveyed their message very effectively and eloquently: CT needs to adopt anti-FGC legislation now. As a former CT resident myself, I was shocked when I first found out that CT does not have a law already. A 2013 Population Reference Bureau study found that 2,658 women and girls in CT are at risk of undergoing or have already undergone FGC. For me, earlier feelings of shock have concretized into a need to take action, which includes helping to facilitate this webinar. I am very proud of the work that is being done by CT advocates, allies, and survivors to amplify awareness of FGC and its impacts, so that lasting change can be made. 

From conversations I have had with friends and family who live in CT, I’ve observed an assumption that somewhere like CT would not need legislation against FGC; this is due to the misconception that FGC only happens overseas, such as in countries within Africa and Asia. It was also surprising to hear that CT is so far behind other states in terms of protecting the rights of girls and other people using legislation since gender equity is a key priority for the state. In fact, US News & World Report recently lauded CT for its achievements on this issue, especially when it comes to equal access to economic opportunities. But even economic equity is limited when we don’t have the full participation of all of our women and girls. FGC reflects and perpetuates a broader trend of gender inequality. 

Zehra Patwa, a survivor of FGC and member of the Dawoodi Bohra community, spoke to the social norm piece of FGC through her discussion of how legislation could impact the prevalence of FGC in the Bohra community, which is one that abides by the law of the land and prioritizes the law before traditional practices. She demonstrated the universal truth that every society is influenced by norms that guide behavior and can help to solidify what conduct is acceptable or unacceptable within the group. Individuals may be socially sanctioned for not following social norms, which has been seen in instances of survivors and activists of FGC speaking out against the practice. 

Michelle Dumas Keuler explained how laws and policies that are shaped by our culture protect human rights, clarifying that CT needs anti-FGC laws (despite the existing federal law) to make prosecution more accessible, as well as to communicate to the wider community that CT is a state that values its girls and protects its citizens from harm. Faith Vos Winkel helped shed light on the impact that laws can have on a community. She expressed that every society has harmful social norms: not too long ago in the U.S. hitting children was considered acceptable. Domestic violence between a husband and a wife was legally permissible up until the 1970s, and it was considered a private matter. 

One takeaway I had from the webinar was that our knowledge of harmful norms has evolved, and so too has legislation in CT evolved in order to support ending these other harmful practices. The panel discussion made clear to me that in order to truly make an impact, we must support a holistic or multifaceted approach to address FGC, as we have for other harmful social norms like domestic violence, by writing advocacy and educational opportunities into the law. 

Watch the recording of this webinar here.

Dear Maasi is a column about everything you wanted to know about sex and relationships but were afraid to ask! It’s a partnership between Sahiyo and WeSpeakOut, and is for all of us who have questions about khatna (FGM/C) and how it impacts our bodies, minds, sexualities and relationships. We welcome you to submit your anonymous questions.

Dear Maasi, 

Over the last year, I’ve been thinking a lot about khatna (FGM/C) and confronting my mother about it. We’re not very close (emotionally or geographically), but I do visit a few times a year, and she’s a terrific grandmother to my kids.

We’ve never talked about khatna, so I have no idea about her current stance on it. I’m nervous that raising the topic will strain our relationship. But to be honest, every time I see her, I have an urge to ask her about it and I have a feeling it could help my own healing. Should I do it?

--Naz  

Dear Naz, 

Thanks for this important question. 

In my last column, I offered advice to a mother who took her daughter for khatna (see Dear Maasi: Will My Daughter Ever Forgive Me?). She was in almost the opposite position as you. 

Talking about FGM/C with your mother could be fruitful and healing for you both. But keep in mind that a good outcome depends on whether you and your mother are ready and open for the conversation. 

I also want you know that having this difficult conversation is not required for healing. Everyone’s healing journey is different. 

In my case, healing came from writing and from leaning on a therapist, friends and my partner. I’ve never talked to the relative who was responsible for the khatna because we are not close. I no longer feel anger toward her, and while she hasn’t earned my forgiveness, I can feel compassion for her experience. But again, that’s me. 

Renée Bergstrom, an FGM/C survivor and activist from the U.S., had a different experience. Here's what she told me about speaking to her mother:

“I did not tell her about my difficulty giving birth or other problems until she was 96-years-old. I realized then that I had not forgiven her so I wrote a letter giving the details of what I had endured and she apologized by letter. She lived to be 101 and we were at peace as I sat by her bedside. She was free of guilt and I of resentment.”

Here are some things to consider before beginning this process: 

 #1 Rather than framing this as a “confrontation,” think of this as a conversation that requires some preparation.

#2 What do you hope will happen? For example, are you seeking an apology? Closeness? More information? Are these outcomes likely with your mother?  

#3 How dysregulated/triggered do you feel when you think or talk about FGM/C? Ideally, you’d want to remain grounded. Consider doing “practice” conversations with supportive family, friends or professionals to check in about this. Try the Mumkin app if you need more practice.

#4 These practice conversations might offer insights about how to begin in a calm, exploratory way. You might also learn what information you wish to share, and what you don’t want to disclose.

 #5 Some survivors can feel re-traumatized by a negative or defensive response. How might you feel if she:

-Denies it happened?

-Is pro-FGM/C?

-Minimizes your concerns or says you are overreacting?

-Gets angry with you for raising the conversation?

#6 What support can you have in place if the conversation upsets you?

One last note: FGM/C is an intergenerational trauma, so it’s likely that your mother experienced it too and might have her own unresolved trauma. Going in calmly and slowly is especially important given this.

Naz, the bottom line is that there is no simple answer here. If you do have this conversation, may it go well for you and your mother. Healing from the harm of khatna is our birthright!

---Maasi 

About Maasi, aka Farzana Doctor: 

Farzana is a novelist and psychotherapist in private practice. She’s a founding member of WeSpeakOut and the End FGM/C Canada Network. She loves talking about relationships and sexuality! Find out more about her at www.farzanadoctor.com

Disclaimer: 

While Farzana is full of good advice, this column won’t address everyone’s individual concerns and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical or psychological care. 

For more resources on this subject, consider watching some Voices to End FGM/C videos (Convincing, Forgiveness, A Daughter, Conversations With My Mother), or contacting the support line for FGM/C survivors. 

Sarrah Hussain is currently a senior undergraduate student at Stanford University studying human biology and computer science. Her relationship with Sahiyo began with the Development Team, first as a Development Intern, then transitioning to Development Assistant, and finally, becoming Development Coordinator. For her undergraduate honors thesis, Sarrah is partnering with Sahiyo and Asian’s Women’s Shelter (AWS) to better understand support services for survivors of female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C).

In our latest Sahiyo Discusses event, which took place on September 21st, we were joined by Farzana Doctor, to discuss her newly released poetry book, You Still Look the Same. A profoundly moving collection of poems, Farzana explores multiple themes and includes a section on being a survivor of female genital cutting (FGC). At the event itself we listened to her poetry, which was subsequently followed by a discussion and questions for Farzana, focusing on methods for healing grief and trauma, alongside her process for writing such personal insights into her life.

Farzana is a writer, activist and psychotherapist, currently volunteering with WeSpeakOut, a global group that works to end FGC in her community and also writes for Sahiyo’s Dear Maasi, a sex and relationships column on Sahiyo’s blog for FGC survivors. Evident in her ‘agony aunt’ style responses, as well as her poetry, Farzana is not afraid to shine light on difficult and painful topics: the pain of heart break and dating at middle-age, cultural and familial responses to her same sex relationship, and misogyny and racism that has followed her from childhood. Though heart-wrenching and emotionally stirring, Farzana’s voice also rings with humour and strength, holding the ability to switch between light-hearted anecdotes about online dating and a fiery condemnation of those who stand by and silently watch FGC take place. 

Sahiyo believes storytelling to be an important part of the work to end FGC, simultaneously uplifting survivors' experiences to give them a voice while increasing awareness and conversations around the practice to end it. Farzana’s writing is a brilliant example of this, and we thank her for joining Sahiyo Discusses and giving us the opportunity to talk with her about her work and experiences.

Thank you to everyone who came and donated. 

Follow these links if you are still interested in donating to Sahiyo or reading Farzana’s poetry collection.

This October 11th marked the Tenth Annual Day of the Girl Child, a day created by the United Nations General Assembly to highlight girls’ empowerment and promotion of their rights as well as to address challenges to gender equity. 

To honor the occasion, Sahiyo collaborated with partner organizations in two events to raise awareness of the harms of female genital cutting (FGC) and the work our organization is involved in to support survivors and work towards prevention of FGC for future generations.

• FGM Taskforce of Greater Los Angeles - A moderated panel with advocates in honor of the International Day of the Girl Child and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The event was hoted by the FGM Taskforce of Greater Los Angeles. Speakers included: Athia Carrim, Dr. Nina Smart, Mariya Taher, Dr. Brenda Kaye Ingram, Muluemebet Alemayehu. 
• Voices to End FGM/C - A discussion-based event to uplift storytellers from the Voices to End FGM/C digital storytelling project and celebrate the 10th anniversary of the International Day of the Girl Child. The event was hosted by The World Bank, and sponsored by the GFLID FGM Legal Work Group Group, Sahiyo, and StoryCenter. Speakers included: Isabella Micali Drossos, Mariya Taher, Renee Bergstrom, Bayor Chantal, Amy Hill, Lou M.C. Granier. 

We are thankful for their collaboration and support, and look for future opportunities to work together to uplift girls’ empowerment! 

Read further to learn more about Sahiyo's work to uplift girls everyday.

This October, South Asian SOAR (Survivors, Organizations, and Allies — Rising, or SOAR), released the Together We Rise report. This collective of survivors, 30+ organizations, and allies, of which Sahiyo is a member of, works to advance the national movement to end gender-based violence (GBV) in the South Asian diaspora within the United States.

This report is a culmination of key findings from listening sessions held with its network, which spans across 13 states, in partnership with the Asian Pacific Institute on GBV (API-GBV). It sheds light on the challenges and needs of South Asian survivors, frontline organizations, communities, and the anti-GBV movement. Also included in the report is female genital cutting (FGC) as a form of GBV that is found amonst the South Asian Diaspora, as well as the limited services available to address this in a culturally competent manner. Sahiyo is proud to have contributed to this report and the work of South Asian SOAR.

To read the report, visit www.togetherwerise.report.

Anaïs' deep interest in giving a platform to voices that need to be heard and stories that need to be told led her to pursue and earn her B.A. in journalism at California State University, Northridge. Her love of storytelling, and passion for strengthening communities, drives her desire to be a part of missions geared towards advocacy and powerful, culture-shifting work. 

What was your experience of learning about female genital cutting (FGC) for the first time like?

Learning about FGC for the first time was an eye-opening experience. Despite FGC being a human rights violation, it’s a practice that many (myself included) aren’t very familiar with. I had a brief understanding of it before interning for Sahiyo. Realizing how prevalent it is in so many countries was heartbreaking, and had me questioning how it’s not a topic more frequently discussed. Sharing what I’ve learned with friends, and witnessing their reactions, reaffirmed the lack of public awareness surrounding FGC. 

When and how did you first get involved with Sahiyo?

I got involved with Sahiyo in June 2022 after scouring the internet for an opportunity to apply myself to a mission geared towards advocacy and human rights. I found the internship post on LinkedIn, and immediately knew Sahiyo’s women-led, passionate team was one I wanted to be a part of. I was deeply interested in gaining a better understanding of FGC, and eager to get involved with an organization that was helping foster such important, powerful conversations. 

What does your work with Sahiyo involve?

Being on the Development Team, conducting funding source research and assisting with any fundraising efforts/events make up most of my work. Consistently seeking out funding opportunities and maintaining relationships with existing and potential donors is critical to securing the financial support Sahiyo utilizes to continue making strides towards ending the practice of FGC.

How has your involvement with Sahiyo impacted your life?

Hands-on experience working towards such a meaningful mission has me further yearning for a more just society. Being a part of an organization that is tackling such an ambitious mission head-on, with such empathy, is inspiring. My involvement with Sahiyo has confirmed my desire to work towards healing injustices and strengthening communities, as well as given me a greater perspective on gender-based violence and how to navigate creating safe spaces that stimulate change.

What words of wisdom would you like to share with others who may be interested in supporting Sahiyo and the movement against FGC

No act of support is too small. Every conversation counts.