EACH ONE REACH ONE 2:
Taking the conversation forward….
Ramzan 2017
A campaign by Sahiyo and We Speak Out

In this holy month of Ramzan, we invite you to participate in Each One Reach One 2, the second edition of a global campaign to promote conversations around Khatna among Bohras.

Last year, in February 2016, Sahiyo and Speak Out on FGM (now We Speak Out) launched the first edition of Each One Reach One, a campaign to help break the silence around the practice of Khatna, Khafz or Female Genital Cutting (FGC) in the Bohra community. For one month, we encouraged each one of you to have a conversation about Khatna with at least one other Bohra — a friendly, respectful, non-judgmental conversation that would help us all understand one another.

A year down the line, we can say with confidence that the silence around Khatna has definitely been broken. The recent arrests of Bohra doctors in the United States have encouraged debate and introspection, both within and beyond the community. There is greater visibility in the media regarding FGC among Bohras. Legal efforts at ending this practice have led to a call for consultations from the Women and Child Development Ministry in India. Although we have achieved last year’s objective of starting a conversation around Khatna, there is a lot more work to be done.

Today is the first day of Each One Reach One 2, our month-long outreach campaign that coincides with Ramzan. This campaign calls upon everyone, especially Bohra women and men, to reach out to at least one other Bohra to engage in a meaningful discussion around Khatna. Our focus this year is to move the conversation forward, by exploring ways to respectfully and sensitively engage in discussions with our family, friends and the wider community.

As you have seen through reactions to our work on social media, we are still received by many within our community with hostility and contempt. It is important for us to continue to respond to criticism with love and tolerance. Sahiyo and We Speak Out have been accused of shouting over Bohra women’s voices. We want to remind our community that we provide a platform to those who have been silenced, so that everyone who wants to speak has an opportunity to share their story. We hope to connect, not divide; to engage, not shut out; to listen, not mute; to reach out, not polarise; and to love, not hate.

Our campaign for EORO 2 focuses on guiding you to have meaningful conversations in various scenarios within and outside your families. Through our communication guides, we will suggest open-ended questions that you may ask your loved ones in order to engage in a sensitive discussion. As usual, we will also complement these guides with the relevant facts around Khatna. We encourage Bohras within India and abroad to participate in our campaign. Do continue to watch this space over the next month as we publish our guides.

To begin with, you can read our basic guide to effective conversations by clicking here.

Our conversation guide is informed by the concept of “Pro-Voice”, a word coined by the founders of abortion-rights group Exhale. Being Pro-Voice is about listening to one another’s stories with empathy, without an agenda or judgement. Learn more about Pro-Voice through this TED talk.

We would like to wish each one of you a blessed Ramzan full of fasting, prayer, forgiveness and charity. In keeping with the spirit of this sacred month, we encourage you to listen with love, speak with kindness, think without anger, and love without judgment.

As you participate in Each One Reach One 2, feel free to reach out to us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to share your experiences, questions, perspectives and feedback.

By: Anonymous

Age: 30

Country: United States

(Read the Gujarati translation of this article here and the Hindi translation here.)

Khatna is a term and a practice I learned about when I was about 15 years old. I was chatting with a friend over AOL instant messenger and she asked me if I had ever had Khatna done to me. At the time, I was completely unaware of the practice or that it was performed on young girls within the Bohri community, to which I belonged. I was unsure of how to respond to my friend. Like other practices performed on children at the time of their birth, such as a Chhatti which is a naming ceremony for the baby or an Aqiqah which is the sacrificing of a goat on the occasion of a child’s birth, I assumed that Khatna was probably also done to me but I was just too young to remember.  

I immediately asked my mother about Khatna and if she ever had it done to me. She responded “No beti, I did not have it done to you.” And in a more hushed and slightly worried voice, she went on to say, “But do not ever tell anyone.” I probed further, asking what it was exactly. My mother was unable to completely explain what it was or why it was done. All she was able to say was that girls are cut within their “private parts”. She went on to say that yes, she had undergone it herself at the age of seven, but that she could not subject her daughters to it because of the physical and emotional pain it had caused her at the time of the cutting and the pain that it has caused her since then.

At the time, I did not realize the significance of my mother choosing not to have the practice performed on me and my sisters or furthermore, why she explicitly asked me not to say anything to anyone, especially within the community.

A few years after my initial inquiry about Khatna, I was at an all-women meeting at my local mosque. Someone asked the wife of our priest, known as a Behnsaab, about Khatna. The Behnsaab responded that it was done to enhance sexual pleasure in women and that it is required for all women within the community. Having heard conflicting information from my mother years earlier, the Behnsaab’s comments confused me. However, the fact that the Behnsaab stated that the practice was required helped me to understand why my mother asked me not to talk to anyone about my lack of Khatna. My mother feared the backlash she or her family might face for going against the word of the community and therefore, she kept her bold choice a secret.

Today, as a grown adult, having learned about the physical and emotional harm it causes, I realize and appreciate what my mother did for me and my sisters. I cannot begin to understand what women who have undergone Khatna must face in their day to day lives. It continues to shock me that this practice still goes on (though it is more underground) and apart from “tradition” most people have no legitimate medical reason for why Khatna is still part of the community’s practices or really even know why it is practiced. I hope that as more and more people become aware of the practice and its harms, efforts from within the community become stronger to stop this harmful practice of violating young girls for the sake of tradition.

By: Insiya

Age: 34
Country: Mumbai, India

As I belong to a well-known and educated family, I was always given a chance to think outside the box. My parents were always supportive irrespective of what our community norms were. I was educated and given the same rights as my brothers and my voice was never unheard and my opinions were also considered. I was a daughter but treated as a son.

But as our community was a little more tightly knitted, everyone had a say in what happened to me, and with all the women in my family influencing us, my mom agreed at the age of seven that I would have to go through the ceremony of Khatna.

I still remember that day clearly. My mom and masi (aunt) took me to this woman’s house in Pune to get the job done. I might not remember the pain now, but the fear, the sadness and distrust from that day remain. I know many of my cousins still ask me, “Why are you so upset about what happened? Has it changed us in any way?”

I agree Khatna might not have changed my desire towards sex, but it has changed my outlook towards our mothers who told us that anyone who touched us forcefully was wrong, especially in our private areas, but then they, themselves, took us to an unknown woman, a stranger who pulled down our pants and touched us. How is what this stranger did any different from sexual abuse? Why don’t our mothers or grandmothers or aunts think that seven is not an age where children are old enough to understand what is happening to them? Why don’t they realize that this may leave an impact on us that might make our parents regret their decision later on?

I don’t remember the pain of childbirth, but I remember the emotions I felt. That’s the same for these little girls. I don’t think I can decide if Khatna should be abolished or not for adult women, but, I am sure Khatna shouldn’t happen to young kids. Childhood is about making sure your kids are safe and that they trust you to not scar them. Let our girls grow up. Inform them of any changes that we might plan to do to their bodies. Let’s educate our kids about our religion, not scare them into practices.

I know many people who will disagree and they are welcome to do so, as I only want to share my point of view. I am a mom of two girls. I know I can make their lives better by not forcing them into my or our elders’ beliefs. I want to educate them that our community is a progressive community where we are confident, educated women, who are taught to be entrepreneurs, and who have the right to choose the path we desire.

For all the mothers of daughters in our community, please take the time to think about what I am saying. Let our daughters grow up and make their own choices. Let’s not decide on their behalf.

This article was published in Gujarati on December 5, 2017. You can find the Gujarati version here.

આ આર્ટિકલ પહેલા સહિયો દ્વારા તારીખ 23 મે 2017ના રોજ અંગ્રેજીમાં પ્રકાશિતકરવામાં આવ્યો હતો. Read the English version here and the Hindi translation here.)

લેખક: અનામી

ઉંમર : 30
દેશ : અમેરિકા

જ્યારે હું લગભગ 15 વર્ષની હતી ત્યારે મેં ખતના શબ્દ અને તેની પ્રથા વિષે સાંભળ્યું હતુ. હું મારી સહિ સાથે AOL ઈન્સ્ટન્ટ મેસેન્જર પર વાત કરી રહી હતી ત્યારે તેણીએ મને પૂછ્યું કે શું મારા પર ક્યારેય ખતનાની પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવી છે. એ સમયે, આ પ્રથા અથવા હું જે બોહરા સમાજમાંથી આવુ છું, તેમાં નાની દીકરીઓ પર ખતના પ્રથાની પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવતી હતી એ બાબતથી હું બીલકુલ અજાણ હતી. મને સમજાતુ નહોતું કે મારી સહિને શું જવાબ આપવો. બાળકોના જન્મ સમયે અનુસરવામાં આવતી અન્ય પ્રથાઓ, જેમ કે છઠ્ઠી, જ્યારે બાળકનું નામકરણ કરવામાં આવે છે અથવા અકિકાહ, જેમાં બાળકના જન્મ પ્રસંગે એક બકરીની બલિ આપવામાં આવે છે. મને લાગ્યું કે કદાચ મારા પર ખતના પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવી હશે પરંતુ,ત્યારે હું ખૂબ જ નાની હોઈશ એટલે મને યાદ નથી.

મેં તુરત જ મારી માંને ખતના વિષે પૂછ્યું અને કહ્યું કે શું મારા પર તે પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવી છે. તેણીએ જવાબ આપ્યો કે “ના દીકરી, મેં તારા પર તે પ્રક્રિયા કરી નથી.” ધીમેથી અને થોડી ચિંતા સાથે તેણી આગળ કહેવા લાગી કે “પરંતુ, આ વાત ક્યારેય કોઈનીસાથે કરતી નહીં.” આ પ્રથા ખરેખર શું છે એમ પૂછી મેં મારી તપાસ આગળ વધારી. મારી માં સરખી રીતે સમજાવી શકી નહિં કે ખતના શું છે અને શા માટે અપનાવામાં આવે છે. તેણી ફક્ત એટલું જ સમજાવી શકી કે દીકરીઓના “ગુપ્તઅંગો”ને કાપવામાં આવે છે. તેણીએ આગળ જણાવ્યું કે હાં, સાત વર્ષની ઉંમરે તેણીના પોતાના પર ખતનાની પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવી હતી પરંતુ, અંગને કાપવાના સમયથી અત્યાર સુધી તેણીને જે શારીરિક અને ભાવનાત્મક પીડા ભોગવવી પડી તેને કારણે તેણી નથી ઈચ્છતી કે તેની દીકરીઓ પર આવી કોઈ પ્રક્રિયા કરવામાં આવે.

તે સમયે, મને એ બાબતનું મહત્વ સમજાયું નહિં કે શા માટે મારી માં મારી અથવા મારી બહેનો પર આવી કોઈ પ્રક્રિયા કરવા રાજી નથી અને શા માટે તેણીએ સ્પષ્ટ રીતે એમ કહ્યું કે આ વાત કોઈની સાથે શેર કરવી નહિં, ખાસ કરીને સમાજની અંદર.

ખતના વિષેની મારી શરૂઆતની પૂછપરછના થોડા વર્ષ પછી, એક સ્થાનિક મસ્જિદમાંહું બધા બૈરાઓની એક બેઠકમાં હતી. ત્યાં ભાઈસાબનાબૈરા જેને બેનસાબ પણ કહે છેતેમને કોઈએ ખતના વિષે પૂછ્યું. બનેસાબે જવાબ આપ્યો કે બૈરાઓના સેક્સ્યૂઅલ સુખમાં વધારો કરવા માટે ખતના પ્રથા અપનાવામાં આવે છે અને સમાજના બધા બૈરાઓએ આ પ્રથા અપનાવવી જરૂરી છે. વર્ષો પહેલા મારી માં પાસેથી મનેએકદમ અલગ માહિતી મળી હોવાથી, બેનસાબની ટીપ્પણીએ મને કનફ્યુઝકરી દીધી. તેમ છતાં, આ પ્રથા અપનાવવી જરૂરી હોવાના બેનસાબના ઉત્તરે, મને મારા પર ખતના પ્રક્રિયા ના થઈ હોવાની વાત કોઈનીસાથે શેર ના કરવાની મારી મમ્મની સલાહને સમજવામાં મદદ કરી. મારી મમ્મી ડરતીહતી કે સમાજની પ્રથા વિરૂદ્ધ જવા બદલ, મારી મમ્મી અથવા તેણીના કુટુંબને તીખી પ્રતિક્રિયાનો સામનો કરવો પડી શકે છે. તેથી, તેણીએ તેણીના આ સાહસિક નિર્ણયને છૂપાવી રાખ્યો.

આજે મોટા થઈ ગયા બાદ, ખતનાને કારણે થતા શારીરિક અને ભાવનાત્મક પીડા વિષે સાંભળ્યા પછી, મારી માંએ મારી અને મારી બહેનો માટે જે કંઈ કર્યું તેનો મને અહેસાસ થયો અને હું તેની કદર કરું છું. જે બૈરાઓ ખતના પ્રથા હેઠળથી પસાર થયા છે તેઓને તેમના દૈનિક જીવનામાં કેવી તકલીફો સહન કરવી પડતી હશે તે હું સમજી શકતી નથી. આ પ્રથાને આજે પણ (વધારે છૂપી રીતે) અનુસરવામાં આવે છે એ બાબત મને આઘાત આપી રહી છે અને શા માટે ખતના આજે પણ સમાજની એક પ્રથા છે તે માટેવધારે પડતા લોકો પાસે “પરંપરા” સિવાય અન્ય કોઈ યોગ્ય તબીબી કારણ નથી અથવા તો તેઓ એ પણ જાણતા નથી કે શા માટે આ પ્રથા અપનાવામાં આવી રહી છે. મને આશા છે કે જેમ-જેમ વધારે લોકો આ પ્રથા અને તેનાથી થતા નુક્શાનથી માહિતગાર થશે તેમ-તેમ સમાજની અંદરથી જપંરપરાના નામે નાની દીકરીઓના અંગ કાપવાની પીડાદાયક પ્રથાને બંધ કરવા માટેના પ્રયત્નો મજબૂત રીતે થવા લાગશે.

By: Anonymous

Age: 32

Country of current residence: Bahrai

I’m a victim of FGM and this is my story. It’s the same as every other FGM survivor. India. A dingy house. An old woman. A blade. Pain. Blood. Being given chocolate. And then being yelled at to stop crying.

And the thing that hardly anyone talks about is how ANGRY it makes you and how you can’t find ways to release the anger. It’s been 25 years and I’m still so, SO angry. Why was a piece of me cut off for an unnecessary reason? Why was psychological trauma inflicted on me at such a young age? Why am I suffering from horrible period pain every month just because my mother blindly followed what was expected of her to do? Why do I have to feel the pain of seeing the guilt and shame on my mother’s face now whenever this topic is raised because she hates herself for what she did? And why is it STILL being done to little girls who don’t have the power to stop it? It makes me mad, mad, MAD!

And this always makes me wonder how others follow this religious leader or even stay in this community. Why don’t more Bohras question the teachings? Why don’t they protest? Does the dream of heaven make them so blind that they approve of abuse on young girls?

I’m so, SO happy to see FGM get media traction and be publicized for the world to see. I want to see FGM STOP. Let the leader declare that khatna needs to be stopped so the Bohras who follow his every command will stop mutilating their daughters. I want Bohras to realize they CAN decide for themselves what is right and wrong. Cutting off a part of girl children’s genitals without their consent, for no medical reason, is completely, and unequivocally wrong.

(यह लेख पहली बार 23 मई 2017 को अंग्रेजी में साहियो द्वारा प्रकाशित हुआ था. Read the English version here and the Gujarati translation here.)

लेखक: अज्ञात 

उम्र: 30
देश: यूनाइटेड स्टेट्स

खतना शब्द और इस प्रथा से मेरा पहली बार आमना-सामना तब हुआ जब मैं 15 साल की थी। मैं एओएल इंस्टैंट मैसेंजर पर एक दोस्त के साथ चैटिंग कर रही थी और उसने मुझे पूछा क्या मेरा कभी खतना हुआ था। उस समय तक, मैं इस प्रथा के बारे में या इस बात से पूरी तरह अनजान थी कि इसे मेरे बोहरा समुदाय में कम उम्र की लड़कियों पर किया जाता है।  मुझे पता नहीं था कि मैं अपनी दोस्त को क्या जवाब दूँ। मैंने सोचा कि शायद मेरा खतना मेरे जन्म होने पर ही किया गया होगा, ठीक वैसे जैसे बच्चे के जन्म पर छट्ठी (नामकरण) या अक़ीका (बकरे की कुर्बानी) किया जाता है।  

मैंने फौरन ही अपनी माँ से खतना के बारे में पूछा और यह भी पूछा क्या उन्होंने मेरा कभी कराया था या नहीं। उनका जवाब था, “नहीं बेटी, मैंने तुम्हारा नहीं होने दिया था।” और अधिक फुसफुसाहट और काफी घबराई हुई आवाज़ में उनहोंने कहा, “लेकिन किसी को बताना नहीं।” मैंने उनका पीछा किया, मैं उनसे पूछ रही थी आखिर यह होता क्या है। मेरी माँ को यह समझाने में मुश्किल हुई कि यह क्या है या यह क्यों किया जाता है। वह कह पाईं कि लड़कियों के “गुप्तांग” में काटा जाता है। उन्होंने आगे कहा कि हाँ, सात साल की उम्र में वह इससे गुजर चुकी थी, लेकिन उनहोंने अपनी बेटियों के साथ ऐसा नहीं होने दिया, क्योंकि उनके खतना ने उनको भयानक शारीरिक और भावनात्मक दर्द दिया था और वो दर्द उनके साथ जीवन भर रहा है।

उस समय, मैं इस बात की अहमियत नहीं समझ पाई कि क्यों मेरी माँ ने मेरे और मेरी बहनों पर खतना नहीं करवाने का फैसला लिया और क्यों वह चाहती थी कि इसके बारे में मैं किसी से कुछ न कहूँ।

खतना के बारे में प्राथमिक जानकारी लेने के कुछ वर्षों बाद, मैं मेरी स्थानीय मस्जिद में औरतों की मीटिंग में थी। किसी ने हमारी मौलवी की बीबी, जिनको बहनसाब कहते हैं, उनसे खतना के बारे में पूछा। बहनसाब ने जवाब़ दिया कि यह औरतों में यौन आनंद को बढ़ाने के लिए किया जाता था और यह समुदाय की सभी औरतों के लिए जरूरी है। मैंने अपनी माँ से कुछ साल पहले इससे ठीक उल्टी बात सुनी थी, और बहनसाब की बातें मुझे चक्कर में डाल रही थीं। हाँ, जब बहनसाब ने कहा कि यह प्रथा सब औरतों के लिए जरूरी थी, तब मुझे समझ में आया की क्यों मेरी माँ ने मुझे किसी को यह बताने से मना किया था कि मेरा खतना नहीं हुआ है। मेरी माँ को डर था समुदाय के आदेश के खिलाफ जाने पर उनके या उनके परिवार के साथ बुरा हो सकता था, और इसीलिए, उनहोंने अपना प्रगतिशील फैसला सब से छुपा के रखा।

आज, एक व्यस्क महिला के रूप में मैं खतना के शारीरिक और भावनात्मक नुक्सान को समझ सकती हूँ, और मैं अपनी माँ के फैसले की सराहना करती हूँ। मैं सोच भी नहीं सकती हूँ जिन महिलाओं के साथ यह हुआ उनको अपनी रोजमर्रा की जिंदगी में क्या झेलना पड़ता होगा। मुझे लगातार डर लगता है कि यह प्रथा अभी भी जारी है (हालाँकि यह अधिकतर गुप्त है) और “परंपरा” के अलावा अधिकतर लोगों के पास कोई वाजिब मेडिकल कारण नहीं हैं इसे  जारी रखने के लिए। मुझे उम्मीद है कि जैसे-जैसे लोग इस प्रथा और इससे जुड़े नुक्सान के बारे में जानते जाएँगे, समुदाय के भीतरसे परंपरा के नाम पर छोटी बच्चियों के अंग की विकृति की इस नुक्सानदायक प्रथा को रोकने की कोशिशें बढ़ती जाएँगी।